One thing I’ve realised about myself, during times of reflection, on the subject of love, is my intense need to feel understood in my relationships with the people who are particularly close to me. It seems to have created a recurring pattern, specifically in my love life, whereby, I initially feel understood and fall deeply in love – only to then end up falling quickly out of love when a subject, of particular importance/relevance to me, arises where we have majorly differing opinions. In the past, I’ve always tried my upmost to hold onto these relationships and convince myself of feelings that are simply no longer there – but the truth is, the misunderstanding, somehow, just leaves me feeling completely unloved and unwanted.
Whilst I realise that this is my own issue that I have to work through on my own, it just goes to show how important understanding and communication can be when it comes to relationships with loved ones (romantic and non-romantic alike) and their perceptions of big changes/events in their lives.
In recent years, I’ve attempted in all my interactions with others, where possible, to live by the quote;
Seek first to understand and then to be understood – Stephen Covey
…I’ve realised recently, however, that, whilst I’m great at doing this in circumstances that don’t directly relate to my personal life experiences… I’m not so good when the feelings and emotions are personal – and specifically around subject areas that are particularly raw (or, otherwise, undealt with).
…In the same breath, I know that understanding goes 2 ways… and – if I’m always the one doing the introspective work and apologising, because the recognition of my emotional triggers has allowed me to come to a higher level of understanding, the other person will never have chance to learn whatever I was put in their life to teach them.
So, I guess my questions to you guys (my readers) are: At what point do you give up and realise that, no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to see eye to eye with a loved one on a certain subject… At what point do you just stop trying to explain what you’re attempting to communicate and allow the ever growing distance between you to just continue its course?
For me, previously, I guess I’ve distanced myself until I’ve felt comfortable enough to return, then finally; either come back to make things work, or given up completely on romantic relationships once another person came along who DID understand what the previous partner simply couldn’t accept. Now, I’m beginning wonder if it’s just easier for both people to cut their losses before they end up damaging the relationship and destroying the love they once shared beyond the point of repair… or maybe that’s the best thing to do, if for no other reason than to have a fully closed door behind you, freeing you to move forward with love, forgiveness and thankfulness for the lessons learnt – and allowing the universe to bring on your next challenge…..